


Lost Voices

by Allofthebowtiesandscarves (orphan_account)



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Eventual Romance, Friendship, M/M, Muteness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3593313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Allofthebowtiesandscarves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Make one more sound and you’ll regret it.</em><br/>Kurt had been broken down so many times before and now he knew he could never be fixed anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preview

He was scared to death. Never did he think that it would come to this.

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him and even that didn’t seem fast enough. He could barely see through the tears that were burning in his eyes but he had to get home, where he’d be safe.

They had taken him by surprise in one of the alleys close to school. They held him down and lifted Kurt’s sweater while the leader of the group of jocks pressed a hand firmly to Kurt’s mouth, muting any sound that fell from his lips. He had tried to scream when he saw the other four jocks take out their pocket knives and flick them open but to no avail. He had squeezed his eyes shut and tried to scream again when he felt the sharp blades cut through his skin. Then Kurt felt the hot breath of the jock who had his hand clamped over his mouth and then a whisper: ‘Make one more sound and you’ll regret it.’

And right there, at that moment, Kurt wished they had cut his wrists too so it’d be over.

He finally got home after what seemed like ages. He ran through the door and was glad when his father wasn’t there to call out for him because that was the last thing he wanted. He made his way down the stairs before he let himself fall onto his bed, crying and wincing at the sharp pain from the cuts that were scattered all over his body.

When the sobs had died down and there were barely anymore tears to cry, he slowly got up from his bed and stood in front of the mirror. He was disgusted by what he saw. His hair was all messed up, his white cashmere sweater was drenched in his blood, his eyes were red and bloodshot from the crying and when he lifted his sweater he could see the biggest cut on his chest that was deep enough to hurt but not deep enough to cause any damage to his ribs or lungs and he could see some more cuts that were scattered all over his chest. It was only then he noticed that the word “fag” was carved into him right above his heart and he cried again.

_Make one more sound and you’ll regret it._

He had been broken down so many times before and now he knew he could never be fixed anymore.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things written in _cursive_ are either thoughts or things Kurt writes (the things Kurt writes down are also underlined to avoid any confusion) and things written in _**bold and cursive**_ are things Blaine writes.

It’s the beginning of the new school year and Kurt's first day at Dalton Academy. He’s met by the same navy uniforms with red piping as the one he’s wearing while walking through the door. He hears happy chattering and he sees people laughing around him and he lowers his head to look down at the marble floor, knowing he'll never be one of those people laughing and chattering about.

He arrives in algebra class with just a few minutes to spare and he’s lucky that there’s still one table by the window vacant. The daydreamer in him screams at him to claim that spot and so he does, walking over to the table with as much confidence as he can muster. He hears some voices asking ‘Who is that? Is he new? Have you seen him before?’ while he makes a beeline to the table and takes his seat but he ignores them all. They’d figure out who he was soon enough anyway.

‘Oh thanks for holding a spot for me, Wes, where am I supposed to sit now?’ Kurt hears someone say with annoyance, followed by an exasperated sigh. Not much later Kurt hears the same voice right next to him while ruffling through his messenger bag.  ‘Excuse me, is this seat taken?'

Kurt’s dumbfounded for a moment when he looks up. The boy standing next to his table is beautiful, looking down at him with bright hazel-brown eyes that twinkle in the sunlight. His black hair is gelled down with a copious amount of hair gel and his lips form a blinding smile. 

‘The seat next to you, is it taken?’ the boy asks again and that’s the moment Kurt realizes that he has to respond somehow. He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before he shakes his head and smiles back at the guy. 

'Oh great,' the guy says, sitting down next to Kurt, ‘because I saw you sitting here by yourself and no one deserves to sit alone by himself on the first day of school. Also Wes, also known as the worst friend ever, didn’t save my usual spot for me so…’ The boy starts ruffling through his bag himself and keeps on talking. ‘I don’t believe I know you already. I’m Blaine. Blaine Anderson.’ 

Kurt smiles before ducking his head to look down at his lap. He hears the ruffling sound next to him come to a stop and he can feel Blaine’s eyes on him. 

‘Everything alright?’ Blaine asks, glancing at the name that’s written at the top of Kurt’s notebook, ‘Kurt?’ 

Kurt looks up at Blaine when he hears his name being called. It doesn’t happen very often that someone uses his first name in public. He’s used to Hummel and only his family, some teachers and some very close friends call him by his first name. But this, this is different; the way Blaine says his name makes it sound beautiful instead of a curse. He nods. 

‘Are you sure? You haven’t said anything since I came to sit here and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy but… Are you sure you don’t mind me sitting here?’ 

This time Kurt shakes his head and watches how Blaine furrows his brows for a moment. _Okay, here it goes,_ he thinks, taking his brand new notebook. He flips it open onto the first page and begins to write. 

_I’m perfectly fine and I don’t mind you sitting here. Nice to meet you, Blaine._  

Kurt clasps his hands together in his lap, focusing on the empty blackboard in the front of the class as Blaine reads what he has written down. 

‘Oh,’ Blaine says, eyebrows raising in surprise and he continues in a whisper, ‘You…You can’t speak?’ Kurt doesn’t respond and Blaine tears his gaze away from him right at the moment the teacher comes in and starts his class. 

Blaine can’t help throwing a few glances in Kurt’s direction during class. Kurt’s absolutely stunning and so very different than all the other boys Blaine has ever seen. 

And maybe it’s the mystery behind him or his incredibly soft looking chestnut brown hair that’s perfectly coiffed but something draws him towards Kurt like a magnet and whenever Kurt catches him glancing, they both look away to focus on their textbooks with flushed cheeks instead. 

‘I’m so sorry about before,’ Blaine blurts as soon as the bell rings. He sees Kurt packing his bag and he knows it will only take seconds before Kurt leaves the classroom, ‘I just- I didn’t know and I wasn’t thinking. God, I feel so stupid now.’ 

The corners of Kurt’s mouth twitches up for a second before he writes something down again. _Don’t be._  

As soon as Blaine read the message, Kurt clutches his notebook to his chest and makes his way out of class. 

And Blaine doesn’t stop him. 

***** 

It’s already pretty late when Blaine makes his way to his dorm room with a pizza box in his hand. He hasn’t had time to eat yet between studying in the common room, Warbler practice and working on his science project with Jeff and by the time he was done, the cafeteria was already closed too so ordering pizza was his only option. 

He had even forgotten about his new roommate until he sees the door to his dorm room ajar and some musical song is ringing through the room. 

He tentatively walks in and is surprised to see who’s laying on the bed that has been untouched since summer break had begun, flipping through a Vogue magazine. ‘Kurt?’ 

Kurt looks up, eyes wide as dinner plates as he watches Blaine close the door behind him. He grabs his iPod and pauses the soundtrack of “Wicked” he had put on repeat earlier. 

‘You’re my new roommate?’ Blaine asks, walking further into the room. 

Kurt nods, looking up at Blaine. 

Blaine smiles. ‘I didn’t think I’d see you again today,’ he says, his smile faltering again, ‘I just want you to know that I’m still very sorry about this morning.’ 

Kurt grabs his notebook from his bag and quickly starts to write.

_Please, don’t be. You couldn’t have known._  

Kurt holds out his notebook after he’s done writing and Blaine hesitantly steps forward to grab it so he can read Kurt’s message. 

‘So you- you don’t mind having little old impulsive me living with you for the rest of the school year?’ Blaine asks, toeing his shoes off and kicking them to his side of the room.

_No, absolutely not._ _But_  

‘But?’ Blaine asks after reading Kurt’s message, ‘But what?’

Kurt bites his lip as he begins to write again. 

_But…_ _I’m sure you’ll get bored of me after a while because I can’t speak._  

‘What?’ Blaine quickly replies, noticing Kurt’s face falling, ‘It’s not because you can’t speak that I’ll get bored of you. It’ll just take some time to get used to it since I am quite a talker but I’m sure we’re going to be fine.’ 

_Are you sure?_  

‘One hundred percent,’ Blaine smiles. 

Blaine watches the corners of Kurt’s mouth twitch up into a smile and then notices how Kurt’s eyes dart to the pizza box in his hand. 

_You brought pizza?_  

‘I, uh, yeah, I did. I haven’t had the chance to eat yet,’ Blaine replies sheepishly, ‘Have you?’

_No, I haven’t. I came up here after class to settle in and by the time I was done, the cafeteria was already closed._ Kurt writes down as Blaine sits down on the edge of his bed.  

‘Same here,’ Blaine says, opening the pizza box, ‘We could share. If you want to, of course.’ 

Kurt hesitates before nodding. He smiles shyly at Blaine when Blaine offers him a slice of pizza. 

‘How was the rest of your day? I haven’t seen you since algebra, not even during lunch,’ Blaine wonders after taking a bite. 

Kurt swallows and licks his fingers before he starts to write in his notebook again. _The rest of my day was pretty long and boring. Oh, and I always spend my lunches alone beneath the bleachers by the football court._  

Blaine’s eyes widen. ‘Are you serious?’

_It was the only place I felt safe at my last high school, it’s just a habit of me to go there now_ Kurt replies. 

‘Okay, why don’t we try to kick that habit?’ Blaine wonders, ‘From now on, you will sit with me for lunch, okay? No buts, no maybes, you are sitting with me and the Warblers at our table and if someone dares to say something about you not being able to speak, they’ll be dealing with me.’ 

_Who are the warblers?_ Kurt writes down with a curious look in his eyes. 

Blaine gasps comically loudly and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. ‘You don’t…?’ he stammers, ‘You don’t know the Warblers?’

Kurt shakes his head but he starts smiling when Blaine drops his half-eaten slice of pizza back into the box and crosses his legs excitedly, like a little kid getting ready for a bedtime story. 

‘The Warblers are Dalton Academy’s showchoir. Well, we’re actually more like a group of friends who have a karaoke night three times a week but then, you know, without the karaoke machine. That’s the cool thing about us; we do everything acapella. I’m one of the Warblers’ tenor voices and I’m also their lead vocalist. Oh, and now we’re currently practicing for Nationals. Pretty awesome, huh?’ 

Kurt nods excitedly with a smile. He loved to sing when he was younger and he’s seen the show choir from McKinley High, the New Directions, perform before. If he wasn’t mute, he would’ve joined them for sure.

‘Kurt? Are you listening?’ Blaine asks, pulling Kurt out of his thoughts. 

Kurt blinks a few times before shaking his head, a little ashamed of being caught on daydreaming. 

Blaine bounces on the spot with excitement. ‘I asked if you wanted to come and watch us practice on Wednesday? I’m sure the rest of the Warblers won’t mind and it would be the perfect opportunity for you to make some new friends.’ 

Kurt bites his lip in contemplation and then nods. _Sounds awesome!_ Blaine almost squeals in response and grins widely. Kurt wouldn’t mind making Blaine smile like that every day. 

‘You won’t regret it, I swear,’ Blaine smiles, taking another bite of the pizza, ‘Maybe I can persuade the Warblers to sing a song for you, that would be cool.’ 

_You are so nice to me, Blaine_ Kurt writes down in the notebook that’s still on his lap. 

Blaine frowns. ‘Duh, why wouldn’t I be?’ 

Kurt stares down at his notebook for a few moments before beginning to write. _Because I’m different._

‘You’re not different, Kurt,’ Blaine says, ‘You’re you.’ 

Kurt nods and he and Blaine stare at each other for a while until Blaine clears his throat, making Kurt look away from him immediately. Then they both continue to eat in silence until the pizza box is empty. 

Blaine waits patiently until Kurt’s done eating before getting up from the bed to throw the pizza box in the trash can. He hesitates for a moment, thinking about if what he’s about to do next is a good thing, before he walks back to Kurt. ‘Hey, can I ask you something?’ he asks carefully, sitting back down on the edge of Kurt's bed. 

After a moment of hesitation, Kurt nods once. 

‘I just want you to know that you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, okay? I won’t judge you if you don’t want to answer it,’ Blaine tells him. 

_Just ask me, Blaine_ Kurt writes down and he hands his notebook to Blaine so he can read it. 

‘Okay,’ Blaine sighs, handing the notebook back to Kurt, ‘Would you mind telling me what happened?’ 

Kurt blinks. _I don’t understand._  

‘Your muteness,’ Blaine clarifies, ‘I’m not sure if it’s called that but I- I want to understand.’ 

Kurt’s lips form a small “O” and again, he hesitates a long moment before he nods. 

He starts writing sentence after sentence as Blaine watches him. His hands are shaking and he’s so focused on writing he doesn’t notice Blaine’s brow furrowing in concern whenever he pauses to think about wording his thoughts. A few minutes passed before he clicks his pen off and hands Blaine the notebook with a tiny smile that falters as soon as Blaine takes a look at the text he wrote. He pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, making himself as small as possible while Blaine reads. 

_It all began 8 years ago when my mother passed away. She had cancer and losing her was what I thought was the hardest thing I’d ever had to go through in my life. My mom was one of the first and few people who accepted my sexuality and she loved me nonetheless. When the kids at school found out I was gay, they started bullying me. At first they just told me that I was worthless, useless and that no one would ever love me but after my mother died, they even told me that I was the reason she passed away. Now I know that that’s not true but I was eight at the time and I had been told so many times that I started to believe it. I yelled at those guys, telling them that my mother didn’t die because of me but in the end they didn’t listen to me at all. I cried myself to sleep a lot since the bullying began and after a while I would come home with bruises the bullies gave me and I'd tell my dad not to worry even though I knew he was worrying himself sick about me._  

_The bullying became worse as I got older. Throwing me into dumpsters, locking me up in the girls bathroom (they thought I belonged there) et cetera became a daily routine for me. But once, some bullies caught me by surprise and attacked me in an alleyway close to school. They “carved” the word “fag” into my chest so that I’d never forget that’s what I am. Their leader told me that if I made one more sound ever again, I’d regret it and I’ve been too scared to make a sound ever since. Even at home, where I feel safe, I can’t speak. I’m just too scared they’ll find out if I do speak and come after me._  

_I've lost everything because of those guys: my pride, my dreams, my passion, my friends... Everything was gone after they did that to me. I loved to sing but they took that away from me. My dream to become a big, Broadway star shattered right in front of my eyes…_  

_Every doctor my dad took me to told me that I have reactive mutism caused by the bullying, but I never  told anyone that the jocks had really attacked and ‘marked’ me. The doctors told me that I need a calm and quiet environment to regain my will to speak again so my dad transferred me here to Dalton._  

_So, here I am and now you know._  

Blaine’s shocked when he’s done reading and he looks up from the paper to see Kurt with his head resting on top of his knees. He hears quiet sniffles and notices how Kurt’s shoulders shake with the force of his sobs. 

‘Hey,’ he reaches out and puts a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, making Kurt raise his head to look at him with a hint of curiosity in his eyes. ‘It’s okay, no one can hurt you here. You’re safe.' 

Kurt nods shakily and his bottom lip trembles before he breaks down into a crying mess. Blaine’s there in a second, wrapping his arms around Kurt and trying his best to comfort him. 

Blaine holds Kurt until he stops crying and pulls out of Blaine’s embrace. 'Are you okay?' he asks as Kurt wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Kurt nods and sniffs. _I never told this to anyone. You’re the first person I told the truth about the attack to_ he writes down, _I didn’t think anyone would care._  

‘I care,’ Blaine replies, ‘and if you ever feel the need to talk about something, I’m here, okay? That’s what friends are for.’ 

Kurt smiles. _Sorry you had to witness me crying like a baby on the first day._ he writes down. 

Blaine chuckles. ‘No problem. It happens, don’t worry about it.’ He notices how Kurt’s trying to stifle a yawn but failing. ‘We should probably go to bed.’ 

‘Promise me that you’ll wake me if anything’s wrong?’ Blaine asks after Kurt nods, making him get off of Kurt’s bed. He waits for Kurt to answer before walking over to his own bed. 

He crawls underneath the covers and as he turns onto his side to get more comfortable, he says ‘goodnight’ to Kurt.  
  
The last thing Blaine sees before he closes his eyes, is the smile on Kurt’s face before he turns off the light on his nightstand and drifts off to sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments and the kudos that you've given me! Let me know what you think of this chapter 'cause I wasn't really sure about this part.


	3. Chapter 2

‘Kurt, can I tell you something? It’s sort of huge and since you’re my roommate and friend I want you to know first,’ Blaine says, walking next to a smiling Kurt. He’s been smiling since Blaine took him to Warblers practice and he nods when he looks at Blaine.

‘I have a date,’ Blaine smiles back, ‘on Saturday. His name’s Jeremiah and he works at the GAP so if we get married, I get a fifty percent discount.’

Kurt’s smile falters just a little but he recovers before Blaine catches him. He secretly wishes he could be the one to go on a date with Blaine and not this Jeremiah-dude.

Blaine opens the door to his and Kurt’s dorm and let Kurt enter first before walking in after him.

Kurt plops down onto his bed and grabs his notebook to scribble something down as Blaine comes over to sit down next to him. 

_ Well? What are you waiting for? Tell me some more about him!  _

Blaine perks up with a big grin on his face after reading. ‘Oh Kurt, he’s amazing! He’s tall, he’s hot and he has blonde hair. I met him when I was searching for a new shirt a couple of weeks ago. He helped me pick out the perfect color and when I tried it on he told me that it looked cute on me. I swear, my heart was beating so loudly, I was afraid he heard it too. Then we started texting and chatting on Facebook and he… asked me out a week or so ago and I needed some time to think but then yesterday I said yes. We’re going to the Lima Bean for coffee and then we’re going to the park. It’s going to be so romantic.’

_ I’m so happy for you! _ Kurt writes down with a smile. 

‘I still can’t believe that he said yes to me,’ Blaine says with a dreamy sigh.

_ Of course he said yes to you, Blaine. You’re everything a guy wants. _

‘You really think so?’ Blaine asks. 

Kurt looks at Blaine before writing down:  _ Absolutely. _

Blaine smiles and wraps an arm around Kurt. ‘You’re an amazing friend, Kurt.’

_ How do you know that? We’ve only been friends for three days. Maybe I’m faking it all and I’m secretly plotting to kill you. _

‘I just know,’ Blaine shrugs, ‘and besides, only cats do that kind of thing.’

Kurt smiles at that and after a few minutes of comfortable silence, he writes down  _ I really had a fun time with the Warblers today. I think they liked me. Well, Nick and Jeff certainly did because they taught me how to do that side-step thingy. _

‘They did! They told me that they’d love to see you back,’ Blaine replies, ‘and you could join us in a heartbeat when you get your voice back, that side-step was amazing.’

_ "If” I get my voice back, not “when”,  _ Kurt thinks to myself.

‘What did you think of the songs? Train and P!nk are pretty fun and up-tempo, right?’ Blaine asks, oblivious to what Kurt’s thinking. 

_ You sounded amazing during both songs. They are absolutely perfect to make your audience dance and sing along. You will win the competition for sure. _ Kurt replies.

Blaine points at Kurt. ‘You will come and support us, right?’ 

Kurt nods.  _ Of course! I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world! I’ll be on the front row, holding up a sign that says “GO WARBLERS!” _

‘Hopefully,’ Blaine smiles, ‘Oh, you could become our new mascot! I need to find one of those mascot costumes.’

_ DON’T YOU DARE, BLAINE! I’m not wearing one of those sweaty mascot costumes! _

‘Please?’ Blaine pleads, falling to his knees in front of Kurt’s feet and looking up at him with his big brown puppy eyes. How could Kurt resist that?

Kurt sighs.  _ Okay, fine! I’ll think about it! _

‘Yes!’ Blaine exclaims, standing up to do a little victory dance in the middle of their room and making Kurt grin widely.

Honestly, Kurt would do anything for Blaine. If only he could get Blaine to realize that…

*****

Saturday arrives and Blaine’s pacing the floor. Kurt has never seen someone that nervous before. 

_ Blaine, you’ll be fine. _ Kurt writes down and smiles reassuringly at Blaine who comes over to him to read his message.

‘But what if he doesn’t like me, Kurt?’ Blaine asks terrified, looking up at Kurt and God, their faces are so close to each other. If he dared, Kurt would only have to lean forward a little and then-

_ Everyone who has ever met you, likes you. Stop worrying, you’re making me seasick. _

‘Sorry,’ Blaine replies, ‘I just can’t help myself.’

_ I know. Hey, could you maybe drop me off at the library? _

‘Uh, sure, sure,’ Blaine stutters, ‘It’s on my way to the Lima Bean anyway.’

_ Great. _ Kurt grabs his bag and walks up to Blaine, who opens the door for him.

‘After you, mister Hummel.’

Kurt walks out into the hallway and waits for Blaine so they can make their way to Blaine’s car. 

The ride to the library is quiet in Blaine’s black Volvo, with only the music from the radio breaking the silence between them. Kurt’s staring out the window, watching Westerville roll by, while Blaine taps along to the rhythm of the song that’s currently playing. 

Blaine’s loudly singing along to the radio by the time they slow down in front of Lima’s public library and it’s making Kurt smile and mouth along. 

‘Here we are,’ Blaine says, turning the volume of the radio down and watching Kurt get out of the car before he continues hesitantly, ‘I’ll go then. Message me when you want to go back to Dalton, okay? I’ll come and pick you up then.’ 

Kurt frowns. Kurt nods before waving at Blaine and then turns around towards the entrance of the library.

Blaine stares at the way Kurt swivels his hips as he’s walking up the stairs to the library.  _ Keep your eyes on the road, Blaine, not on Kurt,  _ he thinks to himself as he drives off after Kurt disappeared through the glass doors. As he’s driving through Lima, he slowly becomes more fidgety and angsty and he’s practically shaking when he gets out of his car a few minutes later. 

It’s around two o’clock when Blaine sits down at a table with a medium-drip in his hands. He feels butterflies in his stomach, his heart’s thumping and his mind is in overdrive. He hasn’t had a date in ages and now that he’s sitting here it feels so… new.

He nervously looks around and checks his phone almost every two minutes. He watches couples walking in and out of the shop and he feels jealous when that one girl wraps an arm around her boyfriend's waist, pecking him on the cheek. He fiddles with the edge of the tablecloth and he ends up counting the squares on it too for a solid twenty minutes before he types out a quick text to Jeremiah.

_ 2:23PM. To Jeremiah: Hey, I’m at the Bean… Did you forget about our date? I’m waiting for you X _

He keeps thinking positively though, despite the fact that he’s worried Jeremiah forgot about their date, or worse, that Jeremiah decided that he doesn’t like him after all.  _ Maybe Jeremiah’s trying to buy a gift for me and he forgot the time or maybe he’s stuck in traffic and he forgot his phone at home... _

Time passes slowly and Blaine hopefully looks up whenever the door opened, only to avert his gaze again when he sees it’s not Jeremiah who’s walking in. He sighs softly while he traces the outline of his phone, occasionally unlocking it while doing so. Soon, Blaine finds himself staring at the  _ 3:00PM _ that shows up on his screen. He’s been waiting for Jeremiah for a whole hour now and Jeremiah doesn’t even have the decency to text him to tell him he forgot or that he was going to be later. Annoyed, Blaine opens his messaging app again and texts him. 

_ 3:01PM. To Jeremiah: Well, that was a fun date. I’m sick of waiting for you, go find yourself another date. _

After he hits “send”, he goes back to his contact list and taps on Kurt’s name. He had promised Kurt to let him know how the date was going. In this case, there wasn’t a lot to tell.

_ 3:02PM. To Kurt: He stood me up… _

_ 3:02PM. From Kurt: Wait, you told me you were going to meet at 2. Have you been waiting for him the whole time? _

_ 3:02PM. To Kurt: Yeah _

_ 3:04PM. From Kurt: And he didn’t call or message you? What an asshole… Do you want me to come over? Need to get it off your chest? _

_ 3:05PM. To Kurt: I could come get you? It’s no big deal, really _

_ 3:06PM. From Kurt: Hm, no. I don’t think I’ll die from a ten minute walk. I’ll meet you there :) _

Blaine looks around the room, watching couples play footsie under their tables or sharing sweet kisses over their shared milkshakes. 

He thinks about the day he’ll have all of that: a boyfriend he can kiss wherever and whenever he wants to, a boyfriend he can have endless talks with while they’re sprawled out on the couch together, a boyfriend he can be crazy with and dance around the house with all day long while they laugh and kiss…

_ Kurt would be that kind of boyfriend, _ Blaine realizes with a start,  _ God, stop thinking about him. You’ve only known him for barely a week, he’s too scared to speak and he’s still trying to get used to the fact that he has friends and yet here you are, thinking about a relationship with him. It’s creepy, so stop it. _

He quits mentally scolding himself when his phone starts buzzing beside him. His eyes widen as he reads the alarmingly short message. 

_ 3:32PM. From Kurt: Help _

Blaine quickly gathers his things and left the coffee shop, not caring about the looks people are giving him as he rushes out so suddenly. He glances around the parking lot when suddenly he hears loud laughter and someone saying ‘You’re still a little baby, Hummel, accept it.’

Blaine looks in the direction the voices are coming from and sees a group of people gathered in the alleyway. 

'Yeah, Ricky! Tell him!' another guy yells.

Blaine runs towards the alley, only coming to a stop when he could see Kurt in the group as well. A jock is holding his wrists in a vice-like grip, trying to keep him still while Kurt’s frantically trying to pull himself free from the jock’s strong hold. 

‘Let him go,’ Blaine says, as fiercely as he could for Kurt. He can’t show Kurt that he’s afraid, he needs to protect Kurt as best as he can.

The jocks laugh loudly. ‘Or what? Are you going to kick our shins? You can’t beat us!’

‘No, but I’ll call the cops on you,’ Blaine threatens with a smirk but it quickly vanishes when everyone turns to him and the biggest jock, Blaine assumes that’s Ricky, let’s go of Kurt’s wrists. 

‘Oh yeah?’ Ricky takes something silvery out of his pocket and flicks it open, revealing a knife. He steps closer to Blaine, ‘Are you sure you want to do that?’

Blaine swallows almost audibly as Ricky traces the blade along his neck, down to his collarbone, and then down to his ribs. He can hear some shuffling and swearing behind Ricky and he glances at Kurt, who’s being held back by the other jocks to prevent him from protecting Blaine.

Blaine watches Kurt, trying to reassure him with just the look in his eyes. Then next thing he knows, he’s gasping for air as Ricky suddenly jabs the knife into his chest. There’s a burning pain in his chest and it hurts when he tries to breathe but the excruciating pain really begins when the knife is twisted before it’s pulled back out. ‘You deserved that,’ Ricky says, smirking down at a bleeding Blaine, 'I caught you by surprise, didn't I?'

Blaine falls onto the concrete and whimpers in pain. He can see Kurt staring at him with wide, tear-filled eyes, fear clearly showing on his face as he struggles harder against the hands holding him back.

‘Relax, guys, let Hummel go. We’ve done our job here,’ Ricky says and the moment Kurt’s free, he runs towards Blaine and kneels by his side to firmly press a hand to Blaine’s bleeding chest.

‘Kurt?’ Blaine asks, wincing as a pang shoots through his whole body.

Kurt nods vigorously, repositioning himself so he can lay Blaine’s head in his lap and still put pressure on Blaine’s wound at the same time. He runs the fingers of his free hand through Blaine’s hair, a tear running down his cheek. The jocks are already long gone, so it’s only them now. Only they matter right now. Blaine’s been staring at him that whole time, a small smile on his face. 

‘I… protected you,’ he says, taking a small pause in-between his words to try and take a breath, still gazing into Kurt’s eyes. He reaches up and rests his hand on top of Kurt’s, scrunching his nose up in disgust as he feels blood, ‘I’m… bleeding really… badly, aren’t I?’ 

Kurt just can’t hold his tears back anymore and lets them roll freely down his cheeks. He nods shakily as he strokes Blaine’s cheek softly and watched him lean into his touch ever so slightly.

He feels sick, seeing Blaine’s face going paler and paler as the seconds pass and he hates it that he can’t call out for help to save his own  _ best friend. _

_ God, what am I going to do without him? If I was just strong enough to tell him that I love him… It might be my last chance, _ Kurt thinks as he sees Blaine close his eyes.

‘You won’t lose me...’ Blaine whispers like he read Kurt’s mind. He slowly blinks his eyes open again, ‘Promise… I’m strong.’ He tries to chuckle but stops himself when another pang shoots through him, even more painful than the last.

_ But what  _ if _ I lose you? I wouldn’t survive it, Blaine, so you better not die on me today. I love you, Blaine. You’re my best friend and I love you, don’t leave me alone. _

Kurt nods, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a small smile and Blaine’s did the same right before he closes his eyes completely. Kurt sniffles and leans down to press a kiss to Blaine’s forehead, a silly little way to let Blaine know how he feels about him. 

And that little touch to his forehead is the last thing Blaine remembers before everything goes black.


	4. Chapter 3

Kurt’s holding onto Blaine’s hand as they’re wheeling the gurney out of the ambulance and into the hospital. Doctors are rushing towards them, and Kurt barely hears anything the paramedics are saying because of the constant ringing in his ears. 

_Stabbed… Severe blood loss…  Broken ribs… Cardiac arrest… Critical condition… Not sure he'll make it..._  

‘Sir?’ one of the paramedics asks urgently, ‘Sir, you have to let go of mister Anderson’s hand in order to let the doctors do their job.’ 

But Kurt’s unable to let go. He needs to hold on, needs to know Blaine’s going to be alright. He feels hands prying his fingers away from Blaine’s and soon he’s crying into one of the nurses’ shoulder as they wheel Blaine to the operation room.

The nurse is rubbing Kurt’s back soothingly before she pulls away from him. ‘Are you hurt, dear?’ 

Kurt shakes his head and lets the nurse guide him to the chairs in the waiting room. He sits down and takes his notebook out of his bag that he’s still carrying with him. _Is Blaine going to be okay?_  

Surprisingly, the nurse doesn’t ask any questions about the notebook and she just answers with ‘mister Anderson is a strong young man, and I’m sure they’re going to fix him up right now. You just have to stay strong for him, and don’t give up on him, okay? I’m sure he’ll be okay.’

Kurt nods, looking at the nurse with tears in his eyes. She grabs his hand and squeezes it reassuringly. 

‘He’ll be okay,’ the nurse repeats, ‘Do you want me to call somebody for you?’ 

Kurt nods, scribbling something down. _Maybe Blaine’s parents and older brother? Blaine told me Cooper lives in L.A. for work but I know he’d want him to know, they are very close. And our school, Dalton Academy?_  

‘And your family?’

_No… I’m fine. They don’t have to worry over me._  

‘Okay, sweetie, I’ll notify mister Anderson’s family and the school. I have to go back to work now, do you think you can manage it on your own?’ 

Kurt nods, wiping at his eyes. He watches the nurse smile at him sympathetically before leaving. He pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly as he starts thinking about what happened after Blaine passed out. It all seemed so surreal: Blaine’s breathing getting slower and shallower, the young woman who coincidentally passed by and noticed the puddle of blood he and Blaine were in and called the ambulance, the trip to the hospital, and now he’s here in the Kindred Hospital waiting room. It’s all happening so fast and now he can only hope it’s not too late. 

He doesn’t want to lose his friend. He doesn’t want to go back to Dalton without Blaine and have to sit in his empty dorm all by himself. 

He doesn’t want to find his voice by himself. He needs to do that with Blaine, he needs Blaine’s encouraging words to make sure he doesn’t give up. 

He just wants all of Blaine, honestly, he realizes as he closes his eyes and another tear trickles down his face.

After what seemed like ages, Kurt’s finally catching some sleep as a doctor passes by and walks up to the nurse who guided Kurt to his seat. A few moments later, Kurt feels someone prodding at his shoulder while a gentle but authoritative voice asks him ‘Mister Hummel?’ 

Kurt startles awake, opens his eyes, and nods ferociously when he sees who’s standing in front of him. He sits up straighter, mentally preparing himself for when the doctor would say “We did everything to save mister Anderson, but I’m so very sorry for your loss, mister Hummel,” all the while praying to God that he wasn’t going to hear any sort of that news. 

‘I’m Doctor Netkins, one of the surgeons that operated on mister Anderson. I’m here to inform you that he just got out of surgery and is now in his room in the ICU department. He was critical when we brought him in, but we were able to stabilize him, to stop the bleeding, and to minimize the damage to his lung. He has two broken ribs that will need time to heal, but there’s no permanent damage done, so he should recover fully,’ the doctor explains calmly. ‘Would you like to see him now?’ 

Kurt gets up so fast the room spins for a while, which is enough confirmation for the doctor. ‘Follow me then.’ 

Kurt follows Doctor Netkins through the halls and to the elevator. Everything’s too bright and too white and the last time Kurt was here he watched his mother lay in one of those too bright, too white rooms. He hates this place and honestly, he had been wishing he never had to come back here ever since. But this is Blaine he’s here for, and Blaine’s going to survive. So he ignores the smell of disinfectant, blood, and just sickness in general, and steps into the elevator with Doctor Netkins.

The elevator ride itself is quiet; Kurt fidgets with the buttons on his blood-stained vest, and the doctor sighs every time the elevator made a "ding" sound as they were going up, with soft elevator music playing in the background of it all. 

‘He’s still sedated, but we expect that he’ll wake soon,’ the doctor says as the elevator doors slide open again and they start walking down the hall, ‘He might be a bit confused when he wakes but that’s just a little side effect of the sedation. There’s nothing to worry about, but I will come to check on him later, just to make sure there are no post-surgery complications. Here is Mister Anderson’s room.’ 

They come to a stop in front of a door with a little sign next to it saying “Room 114”. Kurt’s eyes dart to the same-sized clipboard right underneath it that says “Patient 1603 Blaine D. Anderson” and shivers. The doctor carefully pushes the door open and Kurt’s breath hitches in his throat when he sees Blaine’s pale figure on the bed.

The room is quiet except for the heart monitor that beeps along to Blaine's slowed-down heart rate, and Kurt wants nothing more than to hear Blaine's cheerful laugh again, or the way his name sounds on Blaine's lips. 

When Kurt finally manages to get his legs working again, he slowly makes his way over to the bed and sits down in one of the chairs by Blaine's side. His hand inches over the mattress and soon, Blaine’s hand is in his and his other hand is roaming through the hair that has sprung free from its hair gel prison. He desperately wills his tears away when he thinks he sees Blaine lean into his touch ever so slightly. 

‘I’ll leave you two alone,’ the doctor says, almost scaring Kurt by interrupting the silence around them and he hears the door close quietly. Only when he knows he and Blaine are alone does Kurt allow himself to start to cry again. Blaine looks too small, too fragile, and he just doesn’t look anything like the happy, strong Blaine he’s only known for a week. He can’t help himself as he presses a soft little kiss to the hand he’s holding and he rests his forehead against their joined hands as tears are falling from his eyes. 

***** 

When Blaine awakens, he feels a dull pain in his chest and it takes him a while to realize where he is. He whimpers and slowly blinks his eyes open as he suddenly feels soft fingers roaming through his hair. ‘K’rt,’ he slurs when he sees Kurt’s angelic face on his left, ‘it hurts.’

Kurt’s heart skips a beat when Blaine says his name. He nods and presses the button on the right side of Blaine’s bed, hoping a nurse will show up soon and then he continues to watch Blaine carefully. There are dark circles under his eyes and his lips don’t have the same lovely rosy color as they did before. It’s like Kurt is looking at a completely different man, the only thing that convinces him that it’s really Blaine in front of him is his voice.

'You're here,' Blaine continues softly. 

Kurt nods, a small, sad smile on his face. 

'I honestly thought I was going to die.'

_Me too,_ Kurt thinks as tears make their way down his cheeks and he looks down to the white blanket that’s covering Blaine, he gives Blaine’s hand a little squeeze. 

'Please,’ Blaine says, making Kurt look at him with wide and tear-filled eyes, ‘don't cry.’ 

Kurt chuckles wetly and wipes at his own eyes before looking into Blaine's. They’ve lost a tiny bit of their shine, but they’re still beautiful to gaze in in Kurt’s opinion. 

The door opens, and both he and Blaine look at the small, young woman that walks into Blaine’s room. She has red hair that’s tied into a high ponytail which makes it look longer, and emerald green eyes that shine in the sunlight. She graciously comes closer while looking down at her clipboard that contains all of Blaine’s information. 

‘How are you feeling, mister Anderson? Are you in a lot of pain?’ she asks, finally looking up to Blaine’s face. 

‘Just a dull pain,’ Blaine answers, ‘but it hurts nevertheless.’

The nurse smiles sympathetically. ‘I’ll take care of that right away.’ She fiddles with Blaine’s IV bag and pulls away when the morphine inside of it drips a tad quicker than before. ‘There you go. You’re already on a pretty high dose so that’s all I can give you.’ 

‘Thank you,’ Blaine says and smiles gratefully at the nurse.

‘No problem. Oh, and if the drugs don’t work,’ she looks back down at her clipboard to write something down, ‘you can always ask doctor Netkins for a stronger drug that doesn’t require a high dose to work, okay?’ 

‘I will,’ Blaine smiles.

The nurse clicks her pen off and looks up at Blaine again. ‘Then I’ll leave you two alone again,’ she turns around, walks to the door and opens it before continuing, ‘I might come by to check on you later.’   

Both Blaine and Kurt nod before the nurse leaves the room and leaves Kurt and Blaine alone again. 

_Feeling better?_ Kurt writes down as soon as the door fell shut behind the nurse. 

Blaine snorts and winces shortly afterwards. ‘You’ll know when I start to get woozy and start talking nonsense.’

Kurt smiles and Blaine smiles back at him before Kurt’s smile falters again. ‘What’s wrong?’ Blaine asks, suddenly very serious. 

_I just still can’t believe you did that, Blaine. They weren't even sure you'd make it._ Kurt writes down. 

Blaine sighs, knowing exactly what Kurt means with “that”. ‘I wanted to,’ he says slowly, ‘and if I needed to die just to make sure you were safe then so be it. It wasn’t your fault they turned on me...' 

_It_ is _my fault… If I defended myself 8 years ago then I wouldn’t have been bullied for all those years after, I wouldn’t have been attacked, then I wouldn’t be mute, you didn’t have to protect me and then we wouldn’t be here. That’s what you did, Blaine, you risked your life to save a kid that is too much of a coward to defend himself._  

Blaine shakes his head. ‘Don’t say that. You are not a coward, Kurt. You are so much stronger than any other person I know and I saw how you wanted to break free from those bullies to try and protect _me_. That takes a lot of bravery, Kurt, not cowardness.’ 

_I was so afraid that I was going to lose you,_ Kurt replies. 

‘And I don’t remember much from what happened before I passed out but I vaguely remember promising you that you wouldn’t lose me,’ Blaine shoots back, putting his hand on Kurt’s, ‘Everything’s going to be okay now.’ 

Kurt nods and tries to stifle a yawn. He fails, making Blaine huff a short laugh. 

‘Go home, visit your parents or something. They’re probably worried sick about you.’ Blaine says softly, patting Kurt’s hand _,_ ‘Do they even know you’re here?’ 

Kurt shakes his head as he looks up at Blaine 

‘You haven’t called or texted them?’ Blaine asks and watches as Kurt shakes his head again, ‘You don’t have to stay. I’ll be okay, the nurses will ta-’

Kurt takes his notebook and starts to write again.

_I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here, with you. Please don’t send me away. I just need to see with my own eyes that you’re okay. Is that weird?_  

‘Oh,’ Blaine breathes, eyebrows raising slightly in surprise, ‘It’s not weird at all. I- I won’t send you away.’ 

Kurt smiles gratefully and curls up in his seat, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

_I told the nurse to call your parents and Cooper. Your parents might be on their way as we speak._  

‘I don’t think so,’ Blaine huffs. 

_Why do you think that?_ Kurt writes down, frowning. 

‘I know my parents and they just… they just never really cared about me, you know?’ Blaine shruggs, ‘I always felt like Cooper was their favorite kid.’ 

_I’m sure they love you just as much as they love Cooper._  

'They don't, Kurt. I've always been the misfit, the outcast, of my family. I'm gay, therefore I'm not “normal”. Cooper is 25, has a beautiful girlfriend and he already has a great career in L.A. since he graduated high school. Look at where I am on the other hand,' Blaine looks around the hospital room and shrugs helplessly. 

_I'm sorry_ Kurt writes down as he looks down at the ground, _It’s my fault you’re here._  

'Oh, Kurt, no. I didn't mean it like that. I mean that... This place, Ohio in general, is not where I want to be. I want to go to New York, maybe land a role on Broadway, make art and help people. I want to make my parents proud by showing them what I'm made of, you know?' 

Kurt nods. _You will. You will do all of those things and you will make people proud. And if your parents aren't proud of you, then you'll still have me to lean on, okay?_

'That's... That's really, really sweet of you, Kurt,' Blaine smiles at Kurt and his heart skips a beat when he sees the grin on Kurt's face. He loves that smile and he loves being the reason for it. 

Blaine chuckles when Kurt yawns again. ‘Now, we should get some sleep. Those drugs are tiring me out.’ 

The corners of Kurt’s mouth twitch up into a tiny smile and he nods before closing his eyes. He hears Blaine saying ‘Good night’ as he slowly drifts off to sleep and he starts to dream about holding Blaine in his arms, protecting him from harm just like he’s done for him. 

Blaine watches Kurt for a few moments. The way his hair falls adorably onto his forehead, his eyelashes fan out over his cheeks so beautifully and how the corners of his mouth twitch every once in a while. 

He falls asleep with a smile on his face, thinking about Kurt.


	5. Chapter 4

‘Kurt, we have to talk to the police as soon as possible,’ Blaine says the following day, ‘We can’t let them get away with this!’

Kurt nods as he plays with the edge of Blaine’s blanket.  _ I know _ he writes down in his notebook.

Blaine sighs as he reads Kurt’s message, wincing when the movement causes his chest to hurt. ‘If you know, then what are we waiting for, Kurt?’ he asks, wheezing a little.

Kurt gets up from his chair and walks to the window to stare out of it. He refuses to even answer Blaine’s question. He just doesn’t see the point of going to the police when he knows Ricky’s father will defend his son and use the power of money to do everything to keep his son from going to jail. He’s tried to go to the police after the first attack but he didn’t even get past the threshold of the police station. Now, he’s pretty sure he won’t even make it to the end of the  _ street _ without having panic attacks or being scared he’s being followed by Ricky or one of the others.

It isn’t easy for him, this whole “defending yourself” part of life. He knows they should go to the police or even call them but he’s mute, it’s not like he can give them a very detailed description of what happened without writing all of it down. It’s frustrating, not being treated like a “normal” person and Kurt just wants to avoid any looks or hushed whispers of “He’s dumb, he’s useless”. He just wishes Blaine would realize that too.

He lets out a shaky breath and nods absentmindedly, wiping at his eyes when he can’t hold the tears back anymore. He fully turns away from Blaine and squeezes his eyes shut, hoping Blaine would leave him be for a moment.

‘You know I’m right,’ Blaine continues softly after a few minutes of silence, ‘We need to talk to the police to stop those guys before they hurt anyone else.’

_ I know. I fucking know you’re right! Don’t you think I’ve thought about that, laid awake about it at night? I want to but I just can’t!  _ Kurt’s mind screams. He opens his eyes and kicks the trash can in frustration, making it tumble over and spill all of its contents over the floor.

‘Kurt!’ Blaine exclaims and winces again, causing Kurt to turn back to him, the frustration in his eyes gone now, ‘Getting angry won’t help us at all.’

Kurt shrugs angrily and avoid Blaine’s gaze. ‘This isn’t easy for me too, you know?’ Blaine continues, making Kurt huff and look at him with one eyebrow raised as if saying “oh, really?”.

‘Do you know how helpless I feel seeing my best friend upset and not being able to help him?’ Blaine asks him, balling his fists and slamming them into the mattress, ‘All I want to do is get those bastards behind bars and help you get your voice back but I can’t do that if you won’t  _ let _ me!’

Kurt bites his bottom lip, eyes flitting between the ground and Blaine.

‘You just have to let me in, Kurt. That’s all I ask,’ Blaine says softly, making Kurt stomp over to him to grab his notebook.

_ I’m letting you in! There’s not a person I trust more than you! I told you everything, everything that happened to me and I have never done that to anyone else before, Blaine! Not even my own father. So don’t tell me I’m not letting you in because I am. I just can’t talk to the police, is that so hard for you to understand? _

When Kurt’s done, he shoves the notebook into Blaine’s hands and walks to the other end of the room again. He hears Blaine sigh a few seconds later.

‘I’m sorry,’ Blaine says, making Kurt back around to face him, ‘You’re right. If you don’t want to talk the police, I won’t force you to. I’ll be happy to talk to them alone and explain what happened yesterday. If they ask me why you aren’t there, I’ll tell them what happened to you during the first attack and that you’ve been mute ever since. I won’t make you go through that if it’s too hard on you.’

A raise of Kurt’s eyebrows is all Blaine gets as a response.

‘I’m serious,’ Blaine says, crossing his heart and making Kurt smile, ‘but please don’t be mad anymore. You’re scary as hell when you’re angry.’

Kurt chuckles and comes back over to Blaine. He tentatively sits down on the edge of Blaine’s bed and wraps his arms around Blaine’s shoulders to hug him. He pulls away a few moments later and their eyes meet; beautiful blue staring into warm hazel and it’s when Kurt’s eyes drift down to glance at Blaine’s lips, Blaine’s dare to do the same.

‘If that was your way of saying thank you, I wouldn’t mind it if you did that more often,’ Blaine chuckles nervously, tearing his gaze away from Kurt’s lips.

He reaches up and strokes Kurt’s cheek and he knows he’s making a bold move right now but Kurt doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he gasps and his eyes widen, looking up into Blaine’s in surprise. ‘Those bullies won’t hurt you anymore, Kurt, I promise,’ Blaine whispers, ‘I won’t let them.’

Kurt’s eyes flutter shut and Blaine leans in as far as his broken ribs allow and he feels their lips meet. Blaine never thought Kurt’s lips would feel so soft and warm against his own and he sighs happily into the kiss, suppressing a wince at the pain shooting through his chest and smiling against Kurt’s lips instead.

It feels like the world has stopped spinning around them and only the two of them exist in this moment. Everything else has slowed down, except for their hearts that are thumping in their chests.

Blaine makes a soft noise of protest when Kurt suddenly pulls away from him, gasping for air, and gets off the bed so quickly he nearly trips over his own feet. He looks bewildered and scared when he looks at Blaine and Blaine feels his stomach turn. He opens his mouth to say something when Kurt almost sprints away from him and disappears into the adjoined bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Kurt sags against the door as soon as it falls shut behind him and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself, quickly realizing that it doesn’t help at all.

He just needs a moment to calm down and recompose himself, that’s all. He buries his face in his hands and replays what just happened over and over in his head.

Blaine had kissed him and while he loved it, it also terrified him. It was only yesterday Blaine had a date with Jeremiah. What does this mean? Is he just Blaine’s back-up plan or does Blaine really love him? And if Blaine really loves him, Kurt knows it won’t last forever. He would hurt Blaine, disappoint him and eventually, he would lose him forever. 

No matter how terrifying the thought is, he needs to go back out there and apologize. He runs his hands over his face, his fingertips lingering on his still tingling lips as he looks at the tile floor, trying to figure out what he’s supposed to do now.

*****

Blaine seems to be asleep when Kurt returns from the bathroom more than twenty minutes after the kiss but he sees Blaine peeking an eye open just long enough to see him walking back into the room. His head’s turned away from the side of the bed where Kurt always sits by and Kurt, getting more nervous and fidgety as the seconds tick by, walks over to the chair and sits down with a sigh.

As he grabs his notebook to write an apology to Blaine, he notices something at the end of the book. It’s a page with a dog-ear and Kurt, his curiosity spiked, flips over to it and sees that most of the page is written on in Blaine’s handwriting. He starts reading and soon Kurt looks back up at Blaine, who’s still refusing to look at him.

**_Kurt,_ **

**_You must think I’m crazy. Around this time yesterday I was on my way to meeting Jeremiah and all I can think about right now, is you and not him._ **

**_The truth is, Kurt, that ever since I saw you sitting in that classroom on Monday, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I needed to try and take my mind off of you and so I agreed to have that date with Jeremiah._ **

**_I’ve never felt the way I’ve felt around you, Kurt. You are beautiful, witty and smart and anything but a coward or a loser. I like everything about you, every single little flaw you think you have included._ **

**_When you kissed my forehead in that alley yesterday, I thought you loved me back but then when you walked away earlier I realized how stupid I was to just assume that you’d have the same feelings for me._ **

**_I just want you to know that I love you and I desperately hope you can forgive me._ **

**_Blaine_ **

There are tears running down his cheeks by the end of Blaine’s letter and he quickly wipes them away before he gets up and walks over to the other side of the bed, notebook and pen in hand.

Blaine thought he didn’t want to be kissed while it was all Kurt ever wanted. Blaine’s insecure about himself while he’s always so sure and confident. He thought he had hurt Kurt and ruined their friendship while Kurt wants nothing more than to  _ be _ with Blaine.

Blaine looks up at Kurt when he approaches and his eyes widen a little when he sees Kurt’s wet cheeks. ‘Kurt?’ he quietly asks as Kurt squats down to be more on eye-level with him.

Kurt put his notebook on the mattress next to Blaine and opens it on the page Blaine had written on, clicking his pen on while he does so.

_ I love you too, Blaine _ he writes down right underneath Blaine’s letter and turns the notebook around so Blaine can read what he wrote.

‘You- You do?’ Blaine stutters and when Kurt nods with a smile he reaches out and brushes his fingertips against Kurt’s cheek, wiping some of the fresh tears away and smiling when Kurt leans into his touch.

Kurt lets out a soft sigh and starts writing something down again.  _ I think I’ve always loved you. Ever since we met, I felt different… I don’t really know what it was but it was definitely different from how I normally feel around people. _

Blaine looks a little lost at this. ‘I- I should’ve- Kurt, why didn’t you say something?’

_ The same reason you didn’t say anything to me. I thought you wouldn’t love me back. When you kissed me I thought I was a back-up plan, that the kiss was just an impulsive, one-time thing that wasn’t meant for me in the first place.   _

‘No, no, it was definitely meant for you,’ Blaine says, ‘It always was. You never were a back-up plan.’ He waits a few seconds before he adds ‘We’ve both been really silly about this, haven’t we?’.

Kurt chuckles and writes down  _ We really have. We just made everything way too complicated. _

‘We did,’ Blaine breathes with a smile and Kurt reaches up to run a hand through his hair, the now familiar gesture making him suck in a breath.

Kurt rises to his feet, fingers still curled around some strands of Blaine’s hair before he lets his hand travel down until it rests on the back of Blaine’s neck. He leans in to press his lips softly against Blaine’s, whose hand comes up to rest on his side.

The kiss is intimate, sweet and just what they wanted it to be: perfect.

Blaine’s hand flexes when one of Kurt’s cups his face, a breathy moan directly followed by a whimper escaping his lips.

Kurt pulls away immediately, a concerned look on his face and the hand that isn’t cupping Blaine’s face flutters above Blaine’s chest, wanting to soothe the pain but not knowing how.

‘It’s okay,’ Blaine says, noticing Kurt’s inner struggle to help him and he grabs Kurt’s hand, intertwining their fingers, ‘I’m fine, don’t worry.’

Kurt nods with a small smile around his lips and starts rubbing little circles on Blaine’s hand with his thumb as he sits down besides Blaine.

‘So, are we doing this? The whole boyfriend thing?’ Blaine smiles, wiggling the fingers that are intertwined with Kurt’s.

The small smile that was on Kurt’s face before spreads into a shit-eating grin as he nods excitedly, making Blaine grin widely as well.

They stare at each other for a long time, grinning and touching and just allowing themselves to really look at each other. Little details that they hadn’t noticed before, like the way Blaine’s eyes squint when he laughs or the way Kurt blushes whenever Blaine touches him, coming to light and making them fall for each other even more.

‘I love you,’ Blaine whispers, not wanting to break the silence around them too much, ‘God, it’s been only a week but I do, I do love you so much.’

Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s shoulders in response, nuzzling his face in the crook of Blaine’s neck before pressing a kiss to the soft skin there.

Blaine hums, turning his head to kiss Kurt’s temple. ‘Lie down with me?’ he murmurs and he can feel Kurt smile against his skin.

Kurt pulls away from him and turns, hoisting his legs up until they are on the mattress next to Blaine’s. He curls up into his boyfriend’s side, gently resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around Blaine’s waist. He strains his ears, listening if Blaine lets out any sound of discomfort or pain and when Blaine stays quiet, Kurt allows himself to nuzzle his face in Blaine’s neck again.

‘Can I ask you something, Kurt?’ Blaine asks quietly.

Kurt nods and slightly pulls away to look at Blaine, who has turned his head to him.

‘Promise me that you’ll visit your parents soon, okay? Let them know you’re fine.’ 

Kurt nods and presses a small kiss to Blaine’s cheek before laying back down again, snuggling up with his boyfriend and closing his eyes with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited the whole story a little but this chapter was probably edited the most because the whole situation was very confusing before but I hope there won't be anymore confusion about it from now on :)


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and for the absolute trainwreck you're about to read but this is probably the first time I set a deadline for myself and actually made it! :D I promise the next chapters will be better (and contain more scenes with Burt, Cooper and other characters) but for now, this shorter, un-edited and non-betaread disaster will have to do :)

Kurt’s hands are shaking as he sits in the back of the cab on his way to his father’s house. He doesn’t know if Dalton notified his dad during the weekend and he honestly doesn’t care about that right now.

Dalton probably expected Kurt to be back in class right now but he just can’t. He can’t focus on anything right now while Blaine’s still in the hospital. _At least Cooper’s at the hospital and Blaine isn’t alone,_ he thinks.

He smiles as he recognizes the familiar neighborhood. He likes Dalton and Westerville but honestly, he misses home.

The cab comes to a stop in front of his father’s house and Kurt hands the driver a twenty dollar bill before getting out of the car. He walks up to the front door of the house and he’s about to knock when the door swings open, revealing a frantic looking Burt.

‘Kurt?’ he asks, halfway through putting his jacket on, ‘I’m glad to see you, buddy. Are you okay?’

Kurt nods, albeit a little shakily as he frowns at what his father is doing.

‘Dalton called,’ Burt explains, shrugging his jacket off again, ‘They said you weren’t at school and that your roommate is in the hospital right now after being attacked by someone. God, I thought you were laying in a hospital bed next to that guy.’

Kurt stays quiet, thinking about how he did lay in a hospital bed last night. Only it wasn’t next to “that guy” but _with_ “that guy”.

Burt sighs, rubbing his bald head. ‘Were you there when it happened?’

When his father points to his shirt, Kurt realizes he hasn’t changed out of his clothes yet since Saturday. There’s dried blood splattered on it and he comes to the realization there’s probably even more on the pair of black skinny jeans he’s wearing right now from when he held Blaine in the alleyway. Somehow, that thought makes him relive the whole situation again; the helplessness he felt when Blaine fell to the ground, the amount of blood pooling around them, the sound of the heart monitor flatlining…

‘-urt!’ It takes Kurt a while to realize his father is talking to him. Burt’s shaking him gently by the shoulder, trying to catch his attention. When Kurt’s watery eyes focus in on him, Burt stays quiet for a moment to allow Kurt to gather his thoughts. ‘You _were_ there, weren’t you?’

Kurt nods and starts ruffling through his bag in search for his notebook. His hand stills when it reaches the bottom of the bag, fingers curling around nothing but air. He forgot his notebook at the hospital. He looks back up at his father, a helpless expression on his face.

‘I have a notepad lying around here somewhere,’ Burt says, realizing what Kurt was desperately trying to ask for, ‘Come on, let’s go inside.’

Kurt closes the door behind him as his father goes off to search for a notepad. Standing here, in his blood-covered clothes, makes him feel the same way he did on that one unfortunate day. He stares at the stairs leading up to his bedroom, a shiver running down his spine as he still remembers every little detail of the attack and its aftermath. That and the events of the past few days are enough to make tears spring into his eyes. He startles when a hand comes to rest on his shoulder, only just realizing his father was standing beside him.  

‘Why don’t you go take a shower upstairs? You can change out of those clothes and freshen up, it’ll do you good and we can talk when you’re done,’ Burt says, handing Kurt the notepad.

_Yeah, that seems like a good idea…_ Kurt writes down and shows the message to his dad.

Burt nods. ‘Well, you know the way to your bathroom and even though you took half your wardrobe with you, there are still enough clothes left to dress an army with so go ahead. Take all the time you need, okay?’

Kurt nods and smiles gratefully at his dad. He moves past his dad and up the stairs towards his bedroom. As soon as his bedroom door falls shut behind him, Kurt lets out a deep and shuddering breath.

He gathers a pair of skinny jeans, a purple button-down, a pair of boxers and socks before locking himself in his bathroom.

He takes off his clothes and when he’s done, he gasps at his reflection in the mirror. The blood that had seeped through the fabric of his clothes, had left red-brown spots on his skin.

His fingers brush over the spots and he vows to himself that he will scrub as long and as hard as he needs to to get rid of them.

He turns the water on and waits a few seconds before stepping under the hot stream. The water washes some of the blood away and soon, red water is going down the drain.i

He grabs his loofah and begins to scrub the rest of the blood away. Tears are burning in his eyes as he scrubs and scrubs, even after all the blood has been washed away.

He needs the memories to wash away as well.

Images of a bloodied Blaine invade his mind and it’s enough to make Kurt sag against the cold tile wall. Soon he’s crying and he finds himself sitting on the floor, still scrubbing at the spots where the blood used to be.

He knows that it’s useless but he can’t stop.

He tries to steady his breathing and it takes him a few minutes but eventually, Kurt’s standing underneath the stream of warm water again. He pours some shampoo into his hands and begins to wash his hair as he closes his eyes, relaxing a little as his fingers gently massage his scalp.

By the time he grabs his loofah again and almost douses it in vanilla-scented body wash, he’s calmed down and his skin is rubbed raw.

*****

‘So, if I understand this correctly, you fell in love with a mute boy and when a gang cornered him, you just thought it was a good idea to interfere in the matter?’ Cooper asks, sitting down on the edge of Blaine’s bed. He continues when Blaine nods. ‘Were you out of your mind, Blaine? You could’ve gotten yourself killed.’

‘I don’t care,’ Blaine replies coldly.

Cooper sighs. ‘Blaine, you barely know him… I don’t understand how you can fall in love with this guy so quickly.’

Blaine looks up at Cooper. ‘It just happened, okay? Kurt and I both tried to put our feelings aside, we really tried.’

‘Now, don’t shoot me, but I think you are rushing into things,’ Cooper comments after letting out a long sigh.

Blaine smiles at his brother’s concern. ‘Coop, if any of us thought we were moving too fast, we would’ve told each other so.’  

‘I’m just trying to look out for you, that’s all,’ Cooper replies, ‘I wouldn’t want your heart to get broken.’

‘That won’t happen, I’m sure of that,’ Blaine assures with a smile.

Cooper shrugs and smiles back at Blaine. ‘Whatever you say, Squint.’ He looks around the room and soon his eyes focus in on Kurt’s notebook on the table by the window. ‘Is that Kurt’s notebook?’

Blaine looks over at the blue notebook. ‘Yes, Kurt was kind of all over the place this morning and forgot it, why?’ he asks as Cooper stands up and walks over to the table.

‘I want to leave him a little message,’ Cooper answers, ‘It’s not because I haven’t seen him today that I can’t tell him something.’

‘I don’t think he’ll like it if you snoop through his things,’ Blaine says as Cooper flips it open in order to find a blank page.

Cooper looks up at Blaine as he flips. ‘Relax, Squint, I’m not going to read anything he’s written. Ah, here’s a blank one!’

Blaine sighs when Cooper begins to write and lets his head fall back into the pillow and he turns his head to look at his brother. ‘Please don’t embarrass me in front of Kurt, okay? That’s all I ask.’

Cooper gasps dramatically and stops writing. ‘What kind of brother do you think I am?’ he asks, a little offended.

‘Exactly the kind of brother that would embarrass me,’ Blaine replies immediately and chuckles when Cooper sticks his tongue out.

*****

It’s late in the afternoon when Kurt knocks on the door to Blaine’s room. He waits but there’s no reply from the other side so Kurt decides to open the door and peek inside. He smiles when he sees Blaine peacefully asleep on the bed, his head turned towards the door and Kurt likes to think that Blaine must have been waiting for him to come back. He tears his eyes off of Blaine for a moment and looks around the room. It’s quiet so Cooper must have already left and Kurt wonders what has been said while he was gone.

He sees his notebook on the table and frowns when he notices that it’s flipped open and written in in a different handwriting than his or Blaine’s.

**_Dear Kurt,_ **

**_I know we have never met before but I want to tell you how sorry I am for what has happened. Blaine told me about the attack and I cannot imagine what you must have been going through. I just want to ask you one thing: take good care of my brother, will you? He may not always show it but he needs help from time to time, someone who is there for him when he needs it the most and since you haven’t left his side ever since he was brought into the hospital, I can tell that you are that someone._ **

**_I promise I will check up on the both of you again soon._ **

**_Take care,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Cooper Anderson_ **

Kurt smiles at the message and takes his notebook with him as he walks to Blaine’s bed and sits down on the edge. He runs his fingers through Blaine’s hair, causing Blaine to stir awake with a small moan. When his eyes open and focus in on Kurt, he instantly begins to smile.

‘Hey,’ he says and it’s already enough to make Kurt’s heart swell in his chest. He leans into Kurt’s touch and says, ‘You look beautiful.’

A blush appears on Kurt’s cheeks and he bites his lip, shyly looking away from Blaine.  _How did everything go with Cooper? Did you tell him about your parents not checking up on you?_ he writes down.

Blaine reads the message and sighs. ‘I did,’ he answers, ‘Apparently they’re on this business trip they “forgot” to tell me about. Cooper already knew about the trip for weeks and he thought I knew too. He said he was going to say something about it as soon as he heard from them.’

Kurt sees Blaine’s expression sadden so he takes Blaine’s hand and gives it a small squeeze, making the corners of his mouth twitch up for a second.

‘Is it weird that one part of me doesn’t give a damn about them anymore?’ Blaine asks when Kurt begins to rub the pad of his thumb over the back of his hand, ‘It’s almost like I don’t want to see them anymore, ever. But enough about them, how was your father?’

_He was very relieved to see me. Dalton called him and told him that my roommate got attacked and that they didn’t know where I was. He was about to come to the hospital to see if I was here. I miss home but it was weird to be back there. All the memories from that night came back to me and the first thing I did was shower because I had to get all that blood off of me… I told him we got attacked by some guys we couldn’t see the faces off because I don’t want him to go search for Ricky and the others._

‘Did you tell him about the first attack?’ Blaine asks after reading.

Kurt shakes his head in response and plays with the tip of his pen.

‘Too difficult?’

_Yeah, I just can’t do it yet…_

Blaine smiles sympathetically and reaches out rub Kurt’s arm. ‘Come here,’ he says and pats the spot next to him on the bed.

Kurt is happy to oblige and lays his notebook on the chair next to the bed before scooting over to join Blaine. He almost melts when Blaine wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer, it's so comforting. Blaine sighs happily when they’re completely settled with Kurt’s head on his shoulder and their legs intertwined. He looks up at the ceiling and absentmindedly rubs Kurt’s back, thinking about how fast everything has changed. Last week he knew the boy in his arms for a day or two and now they’re boyfriends.

Strangers, classmates, roommates, friends, best friends, boyfriends and all those stages were passed in a span of about seven days.

_Now, don’t shoot me, but I think you are rushing into things._

_I think you are rushing into things_

_Rushing into things_

_Rushing…_

_Are we really moving too fast?_

Blaine’s mind is like a whirlwind, Cooper’s words are repeated over and over and the more he hears them, the more he starts to believe them.

He hasn’t noticed he has stopped rubbing Kurt’s back until Kurt starts to sit up a little. He frowns at Blaine in concern and leans over to grab his notebook.  _You’re so quiet all of a sudden… Everything okay?_ he writes down.

‘Do you think we’re moving too fast? Cooper thinks we are and the more I think about it, the more I start to think the same thing…’ Blaine replies.

Kurt nods before he begins to write again.  _My dad told me the same thing, to be honest. If you want, we could slow down. It’s not like we are already exclusive, we could easily take a step back and just be best friends for a little while longer but I don’t really think we are moving too fast. I like you, you like me, we’ve been secretly thinking about being together… It’s better to move fast and take the chance instead of going slow and missing maybe the best thing in your life, that’s what I think._

Blaine chuckles and smiles up at Kurt. ‘Seize the moment.’

_Seize the moment._ Kurt smiles and puts the notebook aside before cupping Blaine’s face and kissing him gently.


	7. Big Announcement

It's with pain in my heart that I'm telling you that there won't be any more chapters of Lost Voices. You can read the reason why here: http://allofthebowtiesandscarves.tumblr.com/post/149170162656/big-announcement

I'm probably letting a lot of you down since you all want to know the ending to this story. I'm sorry for that but I just need to find the time and the inspiration before I can do this again.

I hope you'll understand.

\- Laura


End file.
